I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
