I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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