I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Boobs are out for the taking
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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