i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
