Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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