They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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