There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
