Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
