so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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