yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
