Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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