Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
