I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
