Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
