i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
