Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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