K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
