Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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