Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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