Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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