that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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