Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
