There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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