I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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