dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
