You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
