Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
