it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
