i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
