please come you make the beer taste better
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
