I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
