i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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