I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
