How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
