She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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