he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize