i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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