Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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