So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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