god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
