yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
