Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
