People with herpes should wear stickers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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