Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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