ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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