..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
