i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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