what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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