theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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