I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
