cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
