At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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