It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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