Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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