I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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