honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
