i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
