i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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