there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Randomize
