I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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