we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
