either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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