I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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