just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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