Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
