First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you win again, gameday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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