I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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