just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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