the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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