Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
