woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
