i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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