And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
